white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
