By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
