You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
