Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
