Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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