Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
