There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
