I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you would pick up someone in the library
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
