4 words: hood of his car
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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