My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there was a trapeze. enough said
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
