In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
