In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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