I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
