it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
