One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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