He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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