Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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