Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
