and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
