i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
