Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
