I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
