i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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