OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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