Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
