Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
