i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
