i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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