I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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