Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
