remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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