After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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