Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
