Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
