You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
