why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
