When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
