this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
