Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
