I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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