So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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