I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
