the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
