I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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