I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
