Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
