yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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