just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
