the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
