I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
