uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
