I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
